Hey, it’s been a while.
I’ve been really busy. As in really…….different. I don’t really know what’s happening. I always feel depressed. Like seriously. I have just lot the passion for anything I used to love. Well besides music. I still love it because it’s like relaxing. Calming. Beautiful. Because all song have a meaning and I just feel like they sometimes are like talking to me. Meant for me. It’s like making me feel like I can overcome anything. Although some have dirty meanings I still think they are all good. I just love music. Although I can’t sing (people tell me I can’t a LOT) or play an instrument (trying to learn) I still love it.
Ok so apparently there’s this thing that people in my grade are making a family tree. I apparently have 11 kids. 3 with this guy who is kinda weird but I won’t judge. But then 8 kids with someone else this kinda poplar kid. And I have the most kids out of everyone in the family tree. I have a feeling that their trying to tell me something like I’m a sl*t. It makes me feel worse.
Every day is have less friends. I am coming to the point where there is rarely anyone who I talk to.
Why can’t people change their thought about me. I’m not as bad as they think I am. Sure I used to be the one who was obsessed with a guy liking me. But I’ve changed. For the better.
Hey ya! Ok, I’m so tired right now. I am trying to push away all the hate and thing of my future. Collage, my dreams. Ok so I have a couple of things I have dreamed of that are like realistic dreams.
Dreams that have a chance but most likely not.
1) become a pop star (singer)(including writing my own songs)
2) professional dancer (actually be good…..haha not)
3) paint a beautiful painting and actually have is liked by others (like that’s ever ganna happen)
4) start a charity for people who get bullied (I do care)
5) build my own house (the way I want it to be)
Now the dreams that aren’t like realistic. As in never ganna happen.
1) a beautiful walk on the beach at sunset (I don’t care if I’m by myself)
2) a walk through a meadow filled with flowers and empty lots of nice grass (again idc if alone)
3) win a talent show (haha lyk I hv talent)
4) do modling and actually feel beautiful. (I wish…….)
5) fall in love with someone (never ganna happen…….) (possibly with Harry Styles)
I know these will never happen but can’t a girl dream.
Ok so I don’t understand why people have to hate on me when I haven’t done anything wrong. Is it because they want to keep their popularity and pick on me? Like seriously come on. First my glasses then my apparel. Like come one I have my taste in clothes and you have yours. And glasses. Really. I can’t help the fact. Ugh why so complicated. Help anyone?
Ok so yesterday I was like kinda sick and had a cough. We’ll I was just really using that to make it worse and not have to go to school the next day which is today. But sucks for me I have too. Although I do have a cough and stuffed nose. But I just don’t want to have to see everyone at school. Ugh I just can’t wait for spring brake. Then I can just stay home and do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Wish me luck.
Hey. So today in the past 12’hrs I realized I don’t have any friends at all. No one cares for me. Let’s just say, if I were to die only like no one would care. Maybe my dog but that’s it. Oh and to good news! I learned that I really love music and dance. They are like a free get away from reality. I don’t have to worry about anything or anyone besides me. Maybe it won’t be so bad to be a loaner with music.
So this week has been interesting I learned that I really need to dedicate myself to school more but at the same time I am turning into a nerd. I already had like 5 people call me a name or said ‘nice glasses’ then laughs and walks away. School is really complicated but I’ll explain it to you later. Wish me luck with this life.
So. Just so you guys know a little about me. I’m 19. Names Elly but I like to be called El. Let’s just say that my life is really hard. My mom is very controlling but yet at the same time just doesn’t pay attention to me. My sister does the same. My dad doesn’t really care. No friends. But music and dance some how just cheer me up. Yes I may suck at it but I love it so I don’t care what haters think. Love everyone!